(no subject)

[once_a_queen]

Susan walks into the stables, her wool cloak cape tightly around her. She's been looking for Lucy.

And she finds her.

"Hello, Lu."

Susan is worried. Not about what you might think, but she is fretful nonetheless.

Comments

[called_lioness]

She looks up from where she's brushing Corella and smiles, a little.

"Hello, Susan. Grab a carrot for her from the bag there, would you?"

[once_a_queen]

She does and hands it over.

"How's Caspian? Better, I hope?"

[called_lioness]

Corella munches, and Lucy considers.

"...I'd like to think some, at least."

But it's hard, as Susan surely knows.

[once_a_queen]

"I simply feel terrible about it. And I didn't even notice. Poor fellow. I suppose Jadis comes in many forms."

She crosses her arms, hugging herself.

[called_lioness]

She doesn't answer, just brushes Corella, for a moment.





"I didn't notice either. Or notice enough to guess what it was, anyway."

[once_a_queen]

"I suppose we'd gotten used to everyone being perfectly nice here."

She comes over to Lucy, and puts an arm around her shoulders. "I've missed you in the House."

[called_lioness]

She blushes, a little, but just rests her head on Susan's shoulder. "I've missed you too. Just. Caspian's needed me."

[once_a_queen]

"Of course he does."

She holds her sister, quietly, breathing in the clean smell of fresh hay and horses.

"Are you... I mean to say, have you..." She chuckles. "I'm not playing grand inquisitor, dear, but I can't help but wonder if you're consoling him. In an intimate way."

She bites her lip, waiting to see if Lucy takes offense to this question. She doesn't ask to pry; she asks because her sister is dear to her.

[called_lioness]

Bright, bright, bright red go her cheeks, but Lucy shakes her head slowly, slightly.

"Not...well, I suppose it's intimate, but not...what I think you mean."

[once_a_queen]

Susan's cheeks respond in kind.

"If you... if you ever need to know about those kinds of things, you can ask me. I should have liked to have someone to ask."

Her eyes flick up to see the expression on her sister's face, and then back down to examine the stone floor.

[called_lioness]

"I...oh dear." She sighs and sits on a bale of hay after a moment.

"I don't even know what to ask."

[once_a_queen]

She sits down by her.

"You don't think I'm a scarlet woman, do you? There was only the one, but... Lucy, I should like to tell you something. I've never said, but I told Kitty. I thought she might understand, and she did."

[called_lioness]

"Susan! I'd never--oh, you're silly," she says, blinking. "No, I don't think of you that way. And--well, I'll listen, of course, Su."

[once_a_queen]

She looks down again, examining her bright blue gloves. "I was eighteen, and had just started modelling clothes for some of the more exclusive shops. I met him through my new friends. He was a Lord, and he took care of me, told me he loved me. We were going to be married, or so I thought, though he hadn't officially proposed. He took me to his bed, and I let him, because I thought that he would help fill the emptiness and yearning within me. It was..."

She smiles, but tears slip from her eyes and make trails down her cheeks.

"At first it was beastly. It hurt, and it was strange and awkward. But then... later it was bliss. And when I found out.. found out I was going to have a baby, I was happier than I could remember being since we'd left Narnia. But when I told him, thinking we'd be married right away and live happily ever after, he abandoned me. I lost the baby a month later."

She takes Lucy's hand. "That's why I've been so dreadfully protective of you. My heart was broken, and I thought I'd be shattered and frozen inside for ever. I've only just now felt the thaw begin in my heart."

[called_lioness]

"...Oh, Susan, I wish you'd told me before," as her arms wrap around her sister and she tries to process this.

[once_a_queen]

"I couldn't bare to think about it, much less face any of you. If you had looked at me with disgust... or disappointment, I couldn't have faced it. It was easier to let myself go cold and distant and pretend."

[called_lioness]

"...Oh, you're stupid," she sighs and hugs Susan more tightly. "Never ever ever."

[once_a_queen]

"Thank you, Lu," she says, and the tears come, but they are cleansing and have been needed to be shed. "I wanted to say, since I've been here, but I didn't... I didn't want to take a chance."

[called_lioness]

"I'm glad you did now."

[once_a_queen]

"I think I am, too," she says, extracting a handkerchief from her pocket and daubing at her eyes. "And if you and Caspian decide to... well, you're old enough to make that decision, and he's honorable enough to trust."

[called_lioness]

Aaand the red is back.

"Well--I mean, he's the most honourable man I know, Su. Just--oh Aslan, I wish there wasn't such a thing," scowling as she kicks at some hay.

[once_a_queen]

"But there is, and it's something you must face, eventually, even if you get married first."

She leans over and whispers.

"It's really not so bad. It's rather... It's like learning a dance. At first you're not sure what to do, and you don't want to look a fool. Then the music begins, and you just... move. If you have someone who loves you and who's patient and can show you how to go about it, then it's really quite lovely."

[called_lioness]

She pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her legs around them.

"He's already been married."

[once_a_queen]

"Yes, he loved his wife dearly. He still chose you."

[called_lioness]

She shrugs, a little, and doesn't say anything, because she doesn't really know how to express what she feels, beyond, "I know. I'm...I'm grateful, too."